My Friends Keep Telling Me To Buy A Sex Toy, Are They Safe?
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Dear Skins Sexual Health,
Lately, a few of my close friends keep encouraging me to buy a sex toy. They talk about how great it is for getting to know your own body, reducing stress, or just adding a bit of fun when you’re on your own. I’ll admit I’ve been curious, but I’ve also got reservations.
I’ve never used one before, and part of me wonders if they’re even safe like, is it okay to use something like that on such a sensitive part of your body? Are there health risks? How do you even know what’s good quality or not? I don’t want to come across as a prude, but I also don’t want to jump into something just because everyone else is.
Should I be worried, or are they actually as safe and normal as everyone makes out?
Dear Innocent Sal
It’s funny how these kinds of conversations often creep into friendship groups, isn’t it? You might be sitting around, sharing a bottle of wine, and suddenly the topic takes a turn. Someone makes a cheeky comment, another one laughs too hard, and before you know it, everyone’s chatting openly about vibrators or other gadgets like it’s as normal as talking about moisturiser. And honestly? In many ways, it is. But your question is a good one, and a smart one: are sex toys actually safe?
Because despite the rising openness about sexuality and pleasure, not everyone is entirely sure what’s trustworthy and what isn’t in that world. The market’s booming, yes, but that doesn’t automatically mean everything out there is made with your wellbeing in mind.
So let’s talk it through properly.
Understanding Sex Toy Safety: What’s the Real Risk?
At their core, sex toys aren’t inherently dangerous. Plenty of people use them regularly without any issue, and for some, they’re a routine part of their sex lives whether it being solo or partnered. But like anything that interacts with your body, particularly in sensitive areas, the devil’s in the details.
The main areas of concern usually fall into three categories:
- Materials used in the toy
- How you clean and store it
- How it's used
1. The Material Matters More Than You Might Think
One of the most important things and it’s something your friends may not even realise is what the toy is actually made of. Just because something is sold in a reputable-looking shop or website doesn’t mean it's made from body-safe materials.
There are medical-grade materials like:
- Silicone: Often considered one of the safest. Non-porous, easy-to-clean and soft to touch
- Borosilicate glass: Super smooth, non-porous, and surprisingly strong
- Stainless steel: Another non-porous option that's hygienic and long-lasting
On the flip side, there are cheaper toys made from jelly rubber or PVC. These might be more affordable and often look fun or colourful, but they can be porous — meaning they absorb bacteria and can be hard (or impossible) to clean thoroughly. Some might even contain phthalates, which are chemicals that can potentially cause irritation or other health issues with prolonged use.
This isn’t said to scare you off, it’s just that not all toys are made equal. And unfortunately, some that you’ll find online or in the back corner of a shop haven’t gone through the kind of rigorous testing you'd want for something that's going near your most sensitive parts.
2. Hygiene and Maintenance: The Less Glamourous But Crucial Part
A toy might be beautifully designed, come in a sleek box, and be advertised with a lot of glowing reviews. But once it’s out of the packaging, it’s your responsibility to keep it safe for you. That means cleaning it after every use, storing it properly, and occasionally checking it for damage.
Here are a few general tips:
- Wash before and after use. Use warm water and a mild, unscented soap or a dedicated sex toy cleaning solution
- If it's made of silicone, glass or steel, it can usually be sterilised more thoroughly (some can even be boiled, but always check first)
- Store it in a clean, dry place. A pouch or a dedicated drawer is ideal. Letting it roll around with your mascara and tweezers? Not great
- Don't share toys between partners unless you're using a condom over it or sterilising it between uses. Even with close partners, it's better to be cautious
None of this is particularly thrilling, I’ll admit. But it’s part of the reality, and it’s often the bit people skip when they’re encouraging a friend to “just buy one already.”
Why People Recommend Them?
Now, when your friends tell you to get one, they’re probably doing it from a place of genuine enthusiasm. Maybe one of them has discovered how helpful it is for stress relief or how it improved her confidence with her own body. Maybe someone got one on a whim and found that it helped her reconnect with herself after a rough breakup or just added a bit of fun to an otherwise stressful routine.
There’s a bit of a cultural shift happening where women especially are being more open about their desires and experiences, and that’s largely a good thing. But there’s also a subtle pressure that can creep in, like you’re missing out on something essential if you’re not part of the “toy club”.
It’s okay to feel unsure. You’re allowed to take your time, to be selective, or even to decide it’s just not your thing. Pleasure is deeply personal. There’s no universal manual for it. Some people find toys incredibly helpful. For others, they don’t quite click.
Here’s what some people report as benefits when they use a toy regularly:
- They get to know their body better
- It can help with sexual confidence, even in partnered scenarios
- It can offer release when other forms of intimachy aren't available or appealing
- It can provide support for those who experience difficulty reaching orgasm through other means
But equally, some might try it and go, “Eh. Not for me.” And that’s valid too.
So should you listen to your friends? Maybe. They probably mean well. But only you know your own comfort level. Don’t be pushed into it, and don’t feel like it’s some rite of passage you need to complete to be a fully-formed adult. It’s not.
Choosing the Right Toy (If You’re Going to Try One)
If you do decide to give one a go, out of curiosity or simply to see what the fuss is about there are ways to make the experience feel a bit less overwhelming.
There are so many types of toys out there now that it’s hard to even classify them neatly. But here are a few beginner-friendly suggestions that aren’t too intimidating and don’t require you to read a manual the size of a novel:
- External vibrators: These focus on clitoral stimulation and can be a gentle way to start. Think small, quiet, and discreet. Some even look like lipsticks or pebbles
- Bullet vibrators: Tiny, usually inexpensive, and very simple to use. Bullet vibes are great for experimenting
- Internal vibrators: Designed for vaginal insertion, these toys offer internal stimulation and come in various shapes, sizes, and intensities. Some are curved to target the G-spot, while others combine internal and external features. If you’re new to them, it’s best to start with something slim, soft, and not overly powerful, just to get a sense of what feels comfortable
- Dual stimulators (often called rabbit vibrators): These are designed to stimulate both internally and externally at the same time, typically with one part inserted vaginally and a smaller external arm resting against the clitoris. Some people find the combination really effective, but the shape doesn’t work for everyone. It can take a bit of adjusting to get both parts aligned properly, so it’s worth approaching with patience if it’s your first time
When choosing a toy, here are a few things to keep in mind:
- Material: As mentioned earlier, go for non-porous, body-safe materials
- Brand reputation: A good brand will be clear about what materials they use and how to care for the product. If it feels sketchy, trust that instinct
- Noise level: A minor detail, but worth thinking about if you don’t live alone
- Size: Start small if you’re unsure. Bigger isn’t always better, despite what you might hear
- Power source: Battery-operated toys are still around, but many are USB rechargeable now. It’s just more convenient, and often less wasteful
You Don’t Owe Anyone an Explanation
Sometimes, when enough people in your life seem really into something especially when it’s framed as empowering or fun it’s easy to feel like you’re being left behind. Like you’re prudish or missing some secret part of adulthood. But this isn’t one of those areas where there’s a gold star for participation.
You can explore your body in whatever way feels right for you, or not explore it at all. You can buy a toy and keep it in your drawer for months before even using it. Or you can never buy one and still live a very fulfilling, sexually aware life.
Sexuality isn’t a competition or a trend to keep up with.
So yes, sex toys can be safe. In fact, they often are, when you buy thoughtfully and treat them with the same care you would any personal item that interacts with your body. But that’s not really the only question here, is it? The other question is, are you ready for one? Curious about one? And if the answer’s yes, even tentatively then maybe start small, do your research, and don’t feel like you have to report back to anyone about it.
Whatever you decide, make it yours.
