Is It Normal To Fake An Orgasm Just To End Sex?
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Dear Skins Sexual Health,
Is it normal to fake an orgasm just to end sex, even if you're not enjoying it or you're just tired? I’ve found myself doing it a few times not because I wanted to trick anyone, but just to bring things to a close without having to explain why I wasn’t really into it at the time.
Is that something other people do? And should I feel bad about it, or is it just one of those things that happens sometimes?
Dear Meghan,
This question probably echoes louder and more often than most people would like to admit, and the truth is, it’s more common than many realise. The idea of faking an orgasm, especially just to bring sex to a close, touches on several deeper layers of intimacy, communication, expectations, and even emotional fatigue in a sexual relationship.
Let’s talk about it properly.
Why People Fake It (And Why It’s More Normal Than You Might Think)
Faking an orgasm isn't something people tend to announce with pride, and yet... a lot of people have done it. Women more frequently, statistically, but it’s not exclusive. Some men do it too, though the mechanics obviously differ. But the reasons? Often surprisingly similar.
Sometimes it’s just easier. That’s really the root of it. Easier than an awkward conversation. Easier than hurting someone’s feelings. Easier than dragging something out that already feels like it’s gone on too long.
People fake it to:
- Avoid disappointing their partn
- Escape a sense of obligation
- Get out of an encounter that's physically uncomfortable or emotionally disengaged
- Speed up the process when they're tired, stressed, or simply not in the mood anymore
- Maintain the illusion of sexual satisfaction or harmony
Now, whether that’s ideal or healthy is another question. But normal? Yes. It falls well within the range of what’s commonly done, whether we talk about it or not.
You could say it’s a kind of performance, but not always in a manipulative way. Sometimes it’s more of a polite exit strategy than a deliberate deception.
There’s also a kind of silent language that happens during sex. Most people, even when close, don’t always feel they have the full vocabulary or the permission to speak freely in bed. Saying “I’m not going to orgasm, and that’s okay” or “Can we stop now?” feels, for many, like breaking some invisible rule. So faking becomes the shortcut.
The Emotional Landscape Behind Faking It
It’s easy to reduce this to a simple cause-and-effect situation, but sex is never that straightforward, is it?
If someone finds themselves faking regularly, especially just to end sex, it might be worth stepping back and asking why. Not in a judgmental way, just out of curiosity, even self-kindness.
Is it about not feeling comfortable communicating during sex? Is there a pattern of sex being more about the partner’s pleasure than a shared experience? Or maybe the pressure to reach orgasm has become so heavy that it feels easier to pretend than to confront it?
And then there’s the exhaustion factor. Not just physical tiredness, but emotional or mental fatigue. If you’ve had a long day, or you're mentally checked out but still going through the motions for the sake of connection, then faking it might feel like the softest landing. Less drama. Less friction. It’s not always a grand betrayal of honesty; sometimes it’s just... the path of least resistance.
But here’s the thing: even if it is normal, it doesn’t always sit well internally. Over time, it can create a small, persistent disconnection. A gap between what’s happening and what’s felt. That doesn't mean anyone should feel guilty for faking it but it's helpful to notice how often it happens and what feelings tend to follow.
Sometimes, it’s not the act itself that becomes the issue. It’s the slow, repeated distancing from one's own experience that starts to wear thin.
Communication Without Killing the Mood (Or Causing a Breakdown)
One of the trickier parts of this is the fear that honesty will ruin the moment or damage someone’s self-esteem. And to be fair, sex is a vulnerable space. Many people tie their sexual performance to their sense of self-worth more than they realise. So it’s understandable that someone might hold back the truth to protect that dynamic.
But there are ways to shift the conversation. Not necessarily mid-sex, that’s a delicate moment but afterwards, or outside the bedroom entirely, in a calm and emotionally neutral space. A way to say: “Sometimes I feel like there’s pressure to orgasm, and it makes me disconnect a bit” rather than “I fake it to get it over with.”
The first feels more like an invitation to understand each other. The second might sound accusatory, even if it’s not meant that way.
It’s also okay to normalise the idea that not every sexual encounter has to end in orgasm. Really, it doesn’t. Pleasure, intimacy, and connection can still exist without that final moment. Taking the pressure off can sometimes make the experience more satisfying in the long run.
And if you’ve been faking, even regularly, it doesn’t mean the whole relationship is built on falsehoods. It probably just means something got a bit tangled along the way, and it might help to slowly start untangling it.
When Faking Becomes a Habit: What Then?
Let’s say it’s not just occasional. Let’s say it’s nearly every time. That might point to something deeper going on.
It could be a mismatch in sexual styles or rhythms. Or that physical techniques aren’t quite hitting the mark. Or that mentally, you’re elsewhere.
None of that is uncommon, and none of it means the sex or the relationship is doomed. But if faking is happening so frequently that sex feels like a performance instead of a shared experience, it might be time to pay attention.
Some signs that faking might be becoming a problem rather than a one-off coping tool:
- You feel emotionally disconnected during sex
- You dread intimacy because of the expectation to "perform"
- You feel frustrated, resentful, or unseen in your sexual relationship
- Your needs or preferences aren't being acknowledged or discussed
- You don't feel safe or comfortable speaking up in the moment
At that point, it may not be about orgasm at all. It may be about trust, compatibility, or deeper emotional dynamics.
In some cases, a conversation is enough to start shifting things. In others, it might take a bit more support - counselling, therapy, or even some guided work on how to communicate your needs during intimacy. Not in a heavy, clinical way. Just gently, with curiosity and mutual care.
Should You Stop Faking Altogether?
Not necessarily. That’s a personal decision, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer.
Some people choose to stop faking altogether as a kind of vow to themselves. A quiet decision to only express what they genuinely feel. Others might still do it from time to time, with full awareness, and feel completely okay about it.
The key is: does it feel like a choice, or a reflex?
If you’re faking out of fear, pressure, or obligation, then perhaps it’s worth pausing and asking yourself what would happen if you didn’t. Not to punish anyone, but just to see what honesty might open up. Sometimes it’s discomfort. Sometimes it’s relief.
It might not even be about faking at all, it might be about rethinking how we define a “successful” sexual experience. Maybe it’s less about orgasms and more about presence. Less about endings and more about how connected you feel throughout.
If that becomes the focus, faking might feel less necessary. Or maybe even irrelevant.
Yes, it is normal to fake an orgasm just to end sex. But normal doesn’t always mean harmless. It’s a coping mechanism, and like many coping mechanisms, it makes sense in the moment... but might not serve you in the long term.
You’re not alone in doing it. You’re not broken or dishonest. You’re human, navigating the complexity of intimacy the best way you can.
But if the habit of faking starts to leave you feeling hollow, or disconnected, or unseen, it might be time to talk, reflect, or even just start by being a bit more honest with yourself.
It doesn’t have to be a dramatic shift. Just a small one. A pause. A breath. A moment of saying, “Actually, I think I’d rather stop here,” and knowing that’s enough.
