Is Lube Really That Good and Should I Worry About The Stigma?
Welcome to Between the Sheets, our no-judgement advice column where we answer your real questions about sex, relationships, pleasure, and everything in between. Got something on your mind? You’re not alone... ask away!
Navigating intimacy, desire and connection isn’t always straightforward. Whether you're in a long-term relationship, dating around, or figuring out what feels good on your own terms, sex can bring up all sorts of questions and not all of them are easy to Google or you don't get a straight answer. That’s where we come in.
Each week, we tackle real-life questions from readers like you. No shame, no assumptions, just honest, inclusive, and practical advice from people who get it. From turn-ons and turn-offs to lube, sex toys and condoms, even topics such as confidence, consent and communication.
We’re here to help you feel a little more seen and a lot more informed.
Got a question? Submit it via our easy-to-use form here and keep an eye out, your answer might just help someone else too.
Dear Skins Sexual Health,
I've been hearing more and more about how great lube can be, not just for sex but for masturbation too. Some people say it completely transforms the experience, makes things feel better, more comfortable, sometimes even more exciting. It's made me curious, honestly. I’ve never really used it myself, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m missing out.
At the same time, I’ve also heard a different take. That using lube can be seen as a sign that something’s not quite right, like maybe your body isn’t doing what it’s “supposed” to do. Or that it suggests a lack of arousal, or maybe that your partner isn’t doing a good enough job. I know that might sound a bit old-fashioned or dramatic, but the idea is out there. People do sometimes judge. Even if it's just a weird look or a casual comment, it can be enough to make you second-guess.
So now I feel caught in the middle. On one hand, I want to try it and see if it really does make everything better. But on the other hand, I can’t completely ignore the stigma, whether it’s about what it might say about me, my body, or my sex life.
Is that hesitation something worth listening to? Or is it just a leftover from outdated ideas about sex and what it “should” be like? I guess I’m trying to figure out if lube is genuinely worth incorporating, and if it is, how to do that without feeling self-conscious or awkward about it.
Dear Foxy Mamma,
You're right on both counts. Using lube during sex or masturbation can be amazing. And, frustratingly, there is still some lingering stigma about needing or wanting it. Like so many things when it comes to sex, people get funny about what's "natural" or what certain choices supposedly say about their bodies or relationships. Let's unpack this a little. Or a lot.
The Joy of Lube: What It Actually Adds
People who’ve never really used lube often underestimate how much it can enhance things. They assume it’s only for those who have trouble getting aroused or for medical situations, which is simply not true. In reality, lube can make everything smoother, more comfortable, and often more pleasurable, regardless of how aroused you are or how well your body typically responds.
Lube and Masturbation
During masturbation, especially for people with penises, lube can turn something routine into something... well, less routine. There’s a shift in sensation that makes everything feel just a bit more deliberate and luxurious. For people with vaginas, it can ease friction, reduce the risk of small tears, and make the whole experience feel less like an effort and more like exploration.
Read more: Why Lube Makes Masturbation Better?
Lube and Sex
During sex, the benefits compound. Even if you or your partner naturally produce lubrication, there are going to be times because of stress, timing, medications, hormones, or just random biology when the body doesn't quite cooperate. That doesn’t mean desire is missing, only that the mechanics aren’t in sync. Lube steps in as an equaliser. It keeps things moving. It keeps people relaxed. It helps.
Here are a few real-world pluses:
- Less friction means less discomfort - especially during longer sessions
- It can make condoms feel more comfortable and less intrusive
- It opens the door for trying different positions or types of touch without worrying about dryness or irritation
It’s not a fix-all, but it’s a surprisingly versatile little addition. Often, the moment someone actually tries it, they get it.
Why the Stigma Lingers: Cultural Myths and Muddled Messages
This is where things get messier. The idea that needing lube is a sign of some deficiency. that it means you're not aroused enough or your partner isn’t doing a good job is still stubbornly present. And it’s nonsense. But it taps into deeper insecurities.
There’s this old script that says a body should respond in very specific, reliable ways when it’s turned on. If it doesn’t, people worry. They take it personally. And culturally, we’ve often romanticised sex as something purely intuitive and effortless. So when something requires a little extra, like lube, it feels like it breaks the illusion.
Here’s the thing though - that illusion was always a bit daft. Sex, like anything else, gets better when you know what works for you and use the tools available. That’s not failure. That’s just being realistic and, honestly, mature.
Sometimes, stigma also comes from pride. People might not want to admit they use something to improve their experience, especially if they associate it with dysfunction. But people also take painkillers for headaches and wear proper shoes to go hiking. Nobody accuses them of being deficient for that. The same logic should apply.
There’s also a touch of embarrassment about buying or keeping lube, especially if you live with others or haven’t talked openly about sex. It’s discreetly shoved to the back of a drawer, treated like a guilty secret. That secrecy feeds the idea that it’s somehow dirty or shameful.
But none of that reflects the reality. Lube is a tool, not a signal of failure. If anything, using it shows a bit of sexual self-awareness.
Listen to Whom? Your Experience vs. Other People's Ideas
So, should you listen to the stigma? Not really. You can notice it, understand where it’s coming from, but don’t let it run the show. Your body and your experiences are what matter most. If something feels better with lube, if it adds comfort or enjoyment or even just variety - then that’s your answer.
And let’s be honest, the people who voice the strongest opinions about what’s "normal" sexually are often the least informed or the most insecure. It's worth being wary of advice or commentary that sounds prescriptive rather than curious. Sex isn’t one-size-fits-all, and what someone else finds unnecessary or awkward might be exactly what elevates things for you.
The good news is that stigma is starting to weaken. More people are openly talking about the realities of sex, and there’s a growing emphasis on pleasure, consent, and communication over performance. Lube fits neatly into that shift. It's not about fixing a problem. It's about adding to the experience.
If you're curious but hesitant, try it alone first as lube is great for masturbation too. That removes the pressure and lets you get a sense of what feels good without anyone else’s expectations hovering nearby. Pick one with minimal scent and a simple ingredient list, something water based, especially if using silicone sex toys.
And if you're with someone and want to introduce it, you don’t have to make a big deal. It can be as simple as "Hey, want to try this?" The more casual you treat it, the easier it becomes. Often, when someone sees that you're not embarrassed, they relax too.
So no, don't give too much weight to the stigma. Try the thing. See what it does for you. Decide based on that.
Check out our Lubrication Guide to learn more.
