My Boyfriend Wants to Stop Using Condoms
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Dear Skins Sexual Health,
I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for just over two months now. Things have been going really well, we get along, the chemistry is there, and we’ve both talked about being exclusive, which felt like a natural next step. But recently he brought up the idea of not using condoms anymore when we have sex. He said it in a casual way, not pushy exactly, but it’s clear it’s something he wants.
The thing is, I’m not ready to stop using them. I don’t feel like we’ve been together long enough for me to be comfortable with that change. I’m on birth control, so I know that part’s covered, but condoms aren’t just about pregnancy for me, they’re about peace of mind. I don’t want to feel like I’m rushing into something that makes me anxious, even if everything else between us feels good.
I’m trying to figure out how to bring this up without making it seem like I don’t trust him or that I’m accusing him of anything. I know some people stop using condoms once they’re exclusive, but I don’t think I’m there yet. I don’t want this to turn into a bigger issue or make him feel rejected, but at the same time, I really want to stand by what feels right for me.
How do I approach this without causing unnecessary tension? And is it reasonable to still want to use condoms even in a monogamous relationship this early on?
Dear Concerned Wendy,
Firstly, thank you for writing in.
It’s completely okay to feel unsure or even awkward about how to bring this up. You’re two months into a new relationship, still early days really and now you’re being asked to make a pretty significant change to how you’re managing safe sex. It’s not a small ask, and it’s absolutely fair to want to stay with what makes you feel secure.
Let’s just say this plainly: using condoms is smart, it’s responsible, it’s normal, and it doesn’t need to be justified beyond you want to. That alone should be enough.
So if you're not ready to stop using them, then that’s the answer. What matters now is how you express that in a way that protects your boundaries while giving your boyfriend a chance to understand where you're coming from because this conversation isn’t just about condoms. It’s about consent, comfort, and care.
Why Some People Want to Stop and Why That Doesn’t Mean You Should
It helps sometimes to pause and consider the other person’s perspective, even if you don’t agree with it. Your boyfriend wanting to stop using condoms might be coming from a few places:
- He might believe sex feels better without them, physically
- He might associate ditching condoms with a deeper level of trust or intimacy
- He might assume you're both committed and monogamous now, so there's no longer a "need" for them
- Or maybe he thinks other forms of birth control take care of everything
But none of those are reasons you have to agree. They’re just starting points for a discussion. And the reality is, condoms offer something that other forms of protection don’t: dual protection.
That means they help prevent both sexually transmitted infections and unintended pregnancy. That’s a big deal. Especially if you're not yet in a long-term, exclusive, fully trusting, test-sharing kind of situation. And after two months? Most people just aren’t.
Condoms give you control over your sexual health. That’s not a little thing. It’s not a phase you grow out of once the calendar flips to month three. If anything, choosing to use condoms is what trust looks like because it shows you’re willing to prioritise each other’s safety.
How to Talk About It Without Feeling Defensive
Sometimes, saying “no” to something like this can feel heavier than it needs to. Like you’ll upset the balance of something good, or make it seem like you don’t trust him. But it’s okay to pause here and remind yourself: choosing to continue using condoms isn’t a rejection of him. It’s an affirmation of your own values. And your body.
You can approach it with honesty and calm. You might try:
- "I know you brought up not using condoms, but I'm not comfortable with that yet. It's important to me to keep using them right now."
- "This isn't about me not trusting you, I just feel safer when we use condoms and I need to feel safe to enjoy being with you."
- "I really like where this is going, but for me, condoms are still something I want to use. It's not personal, it's just how I take care of myself."
Keep it grounded in how you feel. Because your comfort isn’t up for negotiation. And you shouldn’t need to offer a PowerPoint explanation to back it up.
What’s more important is how he reacts.
Is he respectful?
Does he listen?
That’s what tells you the most.
Condoms Aren’t Just a Phase You Outgrow
There’s this quiet pressure sometimes, like if you’re in a “real” relationship, the condoms are supposed to go. But honestly? That mindset is outdated. Condoms aren’t a placeholder. They’re not temporary scaffolding until you “graduate” to real intimacy.
Plenty of long-term couples use them. Some for STI protection, some as backup birth control, some because they simply feel better knowing that risk is being handled, every time. There’s nothing immature or impersonal about it. If anything, choosing to use condoms on purpose signals a higher level of mutual care. It says: I want us both to feel safe, healthy, and respected.
And that matters. Especially early on, when trust is still growing.
Also, not to sound too pragmatic, but you can’t always tell whether someone’s STI status has changed. Even people who mean well, who think they’ve been careful, can pass something on without knowing. Testing is important but testing plus condoms?
That’s how you really look after each other.
Handling Pushback (If It Happens)
Ideally, your boyfriend hears what you’re saying and respects it. He might be a little disappointed, fair enough but he should ultimately understand that this isn’t about winning an argument. It’s about protecting what you’re building.
But if he doesn’t take it well? If he sighs or tries to guilt you or say things like, “Don’t you trust me?” that’s when it’s worth pausing.
Because someone who respects you shouldn’t need you to compromise your boundaries to prove your feelings. That’s not trust. That’s coercion dressed up as closeness.
You’re allowed to draw a firm line:
- "This isn't up for debate right now. I've told you where I stand."
- "I need you to respect this if we're going to keep building something healthy."
- "Pushing me on this is only going to make me pull back, not forward."
Remember: no one should be trying to talk you out of what makes you feel safe during sex. Ever.
And if he keeps pushing, it’s okay to take a step back and re-evaluate whether this relationship is really aligned with your values. Because anyone worth staying with will respect your health decisions.
Being Pro-Condom Doesn’t Make You Overly Cautious
Sometimes, people hesitate to insist on condoms because they don’t want to seem uptight or overly cautious. But here’s the truth - insisting on condoms isn’t about fear. It’s about self-respect. It’s about confidence. It’s about knowing that your safety and health deserve priority, no matter how serious or casual the relationship.
There’s something deeply reassuring in the act of protecting yourself. And when both partners are on board with that? That’s when intimacy can deepen in a way that feels truly secure. Because it’s not just physical, it’s mutual consideration.
So stay pro-condom. Be open in your communication, yes, but don’t waver on what makes you feel in control and cared for. You’re not making a fuss. You’re setting a standard. And any relationship worth keeping will rise to meet it.
