Why Does Casual Sex Feel Empowering One Day and Hollow the Next?
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Dear Skins Sexual Health,
I’ve been having casual sex on and off for a while now, and I’ve noticed something that’s really confusing me. Sometimes, it makes me feel amazing, confident, and empowered, like I’m completely in control of my body and my choices. I walk away feeling like I’ve owned it. But other times, almost out of nowhere, I feel really low afterwards. Not regret exactly, just kind of empty or disconnected. It’s like there’s this emotional comedown I didn’t see coming. Is this normal?
Why does it feel so good one day, and so hollow the next? I’m just trying to make sense of it all.
Dear Lustful Rabbit,
Ah, the emotional rollercoaster of casual sex. One day you’re strutting out of someone’s flat feeling like a goddess - confident, desired, unstoppable. The next, you’re lying in bed staring at the ceiling, wondering why you feel so… empty.
First things first: you’re not broken for feeling both empowered and hollow at different times. You’re human and sex, especially when it’s casual, has a funny way of stirring up more than just our sheets.
Let’s break it down.
The High is Real, But So is the Crash
When you have sex and especially after climaxing your body releases a delightful cocktail of feel-good hormones—dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins. These make you feel amazing in the moment: high on pleasure, connection, and maybe even a little invincible.
But here’s the kicker: once that chemical buzz wears off (and it always does), you’re left with whatever was underneath. If you were feeling lonely, insecure, or vulnerable going in, the emptiness might hit hard once the distraction fades and these can naturally natural effects of caual sex or being in a situationship.
It’s not about regret, it’s about emotional contrast.
Power and Autonomy… or Just a Temporary Fix?
Let’s talk about why casual sex can feel like such a power move. Saying yes on your terms? Prioritising your pleasure? Choosing freedom over attachment? That’s bold. That’s agency. And it can feel amazing.
But sometimes, that sense of empowerment is like a sugar rush, it spikes, then crashes. Why? Because true empowerment lasts. It comes from being emotionally in tune with yourself, not just doing something because you can.
If you’re using sex to feel worthy, wanted, or distracted from emotional wounds, it might give you a temporary lift but it won’t heal the deeper stuff.
Mixed Messages: Society Has a Lot to Say
Here’s the thing: even if you’re 100% fine with casual sex, you might still have a little voice in your head whispering, “Should I feel guilty about this?”
We’ve all absorbed mixed messages, especially women. Be sexy, but not too sexy. Be confident, but don’t be “easy.” You’re in charge, but also, don’t expect too much.
These contradictory narratives can sneak up on you, even when you think you’ve outgrown them. They can turn an experience that felt joyful into something confusing once you’re back in your own head.
Sometimes It’s Not About the Sex, It’s About the Partner
Let’s not ignore the energy of the other person. If they were respectful, attentive, and made you feel safe, you might walk away glowing. But if they were emotionally distant or dismissive, even subtly, it can leave you questioning your worth, even if you knew it was just for fun.
It’s not about expecting love from every encounter. It’s about wanting basic respect and care, no matter the context.
Where You’re At Emotionally Matters
Casual sex is rarely “just sex.” If you’re heartbroken, bored, feeling down on yourself, or craving validation, even the most exciting night can leave you feeling flat afterwards.
But if you’re emotionally grounded, in a good place with yourself, and truly choosing sex for enjoyment (not escape), it can be genuinely fun, freeing, and fulfilling.
So much of how you feel after hinges on how you felt before.
So, What’s the Takeaway?
Feeling mixed about casual sex doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re layered, intuitive, and emotionally aware.
Instead of judging yourself, try asking:
- What was I really hoping to get out of that experience?
- Did it make me feel more connected to myself or more disconnected?
- Would I do it again for the same reasons?
Casual sex isn’t good or bad, it’s context-dependent. Sometimes it’s empowering. Sometimes it’s empty. Both can be true, and both are completely valid.
The most important thing?
Be honest with yourself about what you need.
And remember: your body, your choices, your emotional truth. Always.
