How Do I Stay Safe and Clean When Using Toys in a New Relationship?
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Navigating intimacy, desire and connection isn’t always straightforward. Whether you're in a long-term relationship, dating around, or figuring out what feels good on your own terms, sex can bring up all sorts of questions and not all of them are easy to Google or you don't get a straight answer. That’s where we come in.
Each week, we tackle real-life questions from readers like you. No shame, no assumptions, just honest, inclusive, and practical advice from people who get it. From turn-ons and turn-offs to lube, sex toys and condoms, even topics such as confidence, consent and communication.
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Dear Skins Sexual Health,
I started a new relationship and we want to try using toys, but I’m worried about hygiene and safety. How can we keep things clean and avoid infections?
Dear Teirrah,
First of all, it's great that you’re thinking ahead. The fact that you’re already considering hygiene and safety says a lot about how you care for your relationship, and each other’s wellbeing, which is exactly where any good intimacy begins.
Venturing into the world of toys can add something new and exciting, but it’s easy to overlook the not-so-glamorous side of things – like how to clean them, how to store them, and whether they’re even safe for your body in the first place.
Understanding Materials: What Your Toys Are Made Of Matters
Before even getting to the cleaning and storage, it’s worth paying attention to what the toy is made from. That part alone can be the difference between something that’s body-safe and something that might cause irritation, or worse.
There’s a surprising amount of variety when it comes to materials:
- Silicone - Non-porous, hypoallergenic, easy to clean, and probably the safest option out there. Medical-grade silicone is especially trustworthy
- Glass (borosilicate) - Also non-porous and body-safe. It can be sterilised completely and is great for temperature play, if that’s something you’re into
- Stainless steel - Non-porous, durable, and easy to clean. It’s on the heavier side, but a favourite for people who want a more solid feel
- ABS plastic - Hard plastic, non-porous, and body-safe as long as it’s not cracked or damaged
- Jelly, rubber, and PVC - These are porous, which means bacteria can get in and stay there. They’re not ideal, to be honest, even though they’re often cheaper. They also sometimes contain phthalates, which have been linked to health issues
Now, if you already own something porous, don’t panic. Just know that these materials can’t be fully sterilised, so they should be used with condoms, especially if they’re going to be shared or used in more than one area of the body.
And yes, that brings up the next thing: sharing. Toys can absolutely transmit infections, especially if used between partners or between different parts of the body without proper cleaning in between.
Read more: Guide to Condoms
Cleaning and Storage - Not Just a Quick Rinse
Let’s be honest, after the moment’s over, most people probably just want to toss the toy on the bedside table and deal with it later. And sometimes that happens. But ideally, cleaning should be part of the process – and it doesn’t have to be a chore.
Here's how you can do it safely:
1. Clean before and after every use
Even if it’s been sitting in a drawer and looks fine, it’s still best to give it a wash before it comes near your body. Dust, lint, even microscopic bacteria can settle.
2. Use sex toy cleaners and/or warm water and mild soap
Sex toy cleaners do a fantastic job in cleaning your toys. While. plain fragrance-free antibacterial soap also does the job. Just make sure to rinse thoroughly.
3. Store them properly
Avoid throwing everything into a single box where materials can degrade or pick up lint. Keep toys in individual bags or pouches, many come with them, but if not, even a soft cloth bag will do. Just avoid plastic bags or airtight containers that might trap moisture.
Sharing Toys, Condoms and Communication
Something people don’t always think about is how easy it is for infections to be passed via toys. It’s not just about STIs, though those are important, but also things like yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis. These can occur even in monogamous relationships if bacteria are transferred between areas or between partners.
If you're sharing toys condoms can help. They add a barrier and make cleanup easier too. Just slip a condom over the toy and change it between uses or users.
And then, there’s the more awkward part: talking about it.
You’re just starting out in this new relationship and introducing toys is already one big step. But hygiene discussions might feel like a bit of a mood-killer. That said, it really doesn’t have to be. You can keep it light but clear. Something like, “Hey, I read it’s better to clean them before and after, shall we do that together?” It can even become part of the experience.
It’s really about trust. Knowing that you’re both on the same page, that no one’s cutting corners, helps build a stronger foundation for whatever adventures you’re planning together.
What to Look Out For If Something Feels Off
Even with the best cleaning habits and all the right materials, things can still go wrong occasionally. The body’s chemistry is complex and everyone reacts differently. So don’t ignore it if something doesn’t feel quite right afterwards.
Some common signs that something’s not working well:
- Itching, burning, or unusual discharge a day or two later
- Skin irritation, especially if it’s red or sore and doesn’t go away quickly
- A rash or sensitivity that seems new
In any of these cases, it’s okay to pause and reassess. It might mean switching materials, trying a different soap, or seeing a GP if symptoms persist. But don’t power through discomfort just because it feels awkward to talk about – even to yourself.
And lastly, don’t forget lubrication. It’s not about cleanliness per se, but it can prevent micro-tears in the skin that increase the risk of infection. Just be sure your lube matches the toy (water-based is safest all around, especially with silicone toys).
Trying toys with someone new can be a wonderful experience. It adds something different, invites exploration, and honestly, sometimes it’s just fun. But it also needs a bit of preparation – not just buying something flashy online and jumping right in. You’ve already taken that first thoughtful step by asking this question.
If you keep communication open, prioritise safety and cleanliness, and stay tuned into how your body reacts, there’s really no reason you can’t enjoy it all without the worry hanging over your head.
Take it slow, enjoy the learning curve, and try not to let the caution take away from the excitement. It’s absolutely possible to do both.
