Is it Okay to Share Sex Toys?

It can be okay to share sex toys, as long as everyone actually knows what they are saying yes to. The toy is only half the story. The real issue is hygiene, health, consent and how comfortable everyone feels about that toy moving from one body to another.

Shared toys are a bit like shared toothbrushes. Technically doable. Not automatically unsafe. But you would only do it carefully, and only with people you really trust, and probably with clear rules.

 

What sharing sex toys really means

When people ask, “Is it okay to share sex toys?”, they often mean quite different things. Some are picturing partners using the same vibrator in one session. Others are thinking about lending a toy to a friend, or passing a toy around in a group situation. All of that counts as sharing, but the risks and the emotions around it are not identical.

Different ways people share toys

Sharing can look like:

• A couple using the same internal toy on each other in one encounter
• Partners taking turns with a clitoral toy or wand on the outside of the body
• Toys that usually belong to one person occasionally being used with other partners
• Toys being borrowed, swapped or gifted between friends

Once a toy has been on or in one body and then goes to another, you are no longer dealing with a purely personal item. You are dealing with something that can carry traces of fluids, skin cells and bacteria from one person to the next. That sounds slightly grim when phrased that bluntly, but it is the reality that underpins safer sharing.

For some people, the very idea is a complete no. They prefer their toys to be personal and never shared, and that is absolutely fine. Others are relaxed about sharing, especially within a relationship, but want some rules in place.

 

Sexual health risks when sharing sex toys

It is worth saying plainly: yes, it is possible to pass infections through shared toys if they are not cleaned properly or protected. You are not being paranoid if that thought has crossed your mind.

That does not mean every shared toy is automatically unsafe. It just means that what you do between one person and the next really counts.

How infections can travel via toys

You do not pick up an infection from the silicone or plastic itself. What causes problems are the tiny amounts of fluid and microscopic organisms that can linger on a toy after use. Those can include:

• Organisms linked to sexually transmitted infections
• Bacteria and yeast that can lead to thrush or bacterial imbalance
• Everyday skin bacteria that are harmless in one place but irritating in another

Internal toys are especially relevant here because they are in direct contact with internal mucous membranes. If there is infected fluid on a toy and it is used internally on another person with no proper cleaning or barrier, there is at least a possibility of transmission.

External and clitoral toys are not magically risk free either. They still pick up fluids and natural secretions, and these can transfer bacteria or yeast from one person to another. The risk profile might be a little different, but the principle is the same. Any toy that touches one body and then another without proper cleaning can act as a little shuttle for germs.

You might never notice a problem, of course. People share toys casually all the time and feel absolutely fine afterwards. The difficulty is that you cannot tell by looking at a toy whether it is carrying something. Some infections have no obvious symptoms at first, and others feel like mild irritation that can easily be brushed off as “I must have reacted to the lube.”

Material and design factors

Two identical looking toys can behave very differently once you start to think about microscopic detail.

• Non porous materials
  High quality silicone, stainless steel, glass and hard ABS plastic do not soak up fluids. The surface is smoother, so when you clean them with water, soap and toy cleaner, you are genuinely washing away what was on the surface
• Porous materials
  Softer, cheaper blends like jelly rubber or certain rubbery compounds can act more like a sponge. Fluids can seep into tiny internal spaces that ordinary washing may not fully reach. A toy can look spotless and still be holding onto traces of what it touched earlier

Design matters too. A toy that has deep ridges, lots of intricate detailing or difficult corners is simply harder to clean thoroughly, especially around buttons and seams. That does not make it evil, but it does mean you need to be very honest about how realistic it is to wash it carefully every single time it is used.

If you are sharing toys, the safest starting point is usually: non porous materials, simple shapes, and a cleaning routine that uses both gentle soap and a decent toy cleaner. It is not glamorous, but it is a lot more pleasant than dealing with recurring irritation or repeated trips to the clinic.

 

Safe and hygienic ways to share sex toys

Assuming everyone involved is genuinely happy with the idea of sharing, the next layer is the practical stuff. How do you actually do it as safely as you reasonably can, without sucking all the fun out of the room?

The good news is that you do not need a laboratory. You just need a few habits and to stick to them.

Cleaning basics for every toy

No matter what kind of toy it is, good cleaning is non negotiable. A sensible basic routine looks something like this:

1. Rinse or wipe away any obvious residue straight after use
2. Wash the toy with warm water and a mild, unscented soap. Take your time around edges, seams and textured areas
3. Follow up with a purpose made sex toy cleaner, sprayed or applied according to the instructions
4. Rinse off if the cleaner is designed to be rinsed, or allow it to air dry if it is one of the leave on formulas
5. Dry with a clean cloth or let the toy air dry completely before putting it away

You might think, “Do I really need both soap and cleaner?” I think for personal toys you can sometimes get away with being a little bit lazier. Once you are sharing, though, a toy cleaner adds another layer of reassurance. It is formulated to work on intimate items, generally kinder to materials, and helps deal with the bits that plain soap and water might miss.

Read more: How to Clean a Sex Toy

Extra care for clitoral toys and external stimulators

Clitoral toys and other external stimulators often get used very frequently, with lots of contact against delicate skin and sensitive nerve endings. They also tend to be grabbed quickly, used for a few minutes, then tossed aside in the moment. Because they are “only external” they can easily be treated as less important to clean. That is where problems creep in.

For clitoral toys in particular, it is worth:

• Cleaning them after every single use, even if they look fine
• Using toy cleaner every time, not just occasionally
• Paying attention to the head of the toy and any textured pads, where residue can linger
• Making sure there is no build up of dried lubricant, which can harbour bacteria over time

If those toys are shared between partners, this becomes even more important. The clitoral area is very sensitive to changes in balance, and a toy that passes back and forth without proper cleaning can contribute to irritation or infections for more than one person. So yes, push the toy cleaner here. Think of it as looking after your favourite gadget as much as your body.

When to use condoms on toys 

Condoms are most useful on toys that are used internally. They act as a simple barrier between one person’s body and the next. With shared internal toys, it usually makes sense to:

• Use a condom every time an internal toy is used
• Change the condom when the toy moves from one person to another
• Change it again if the toy leaves the body and is going back in later

You do not need to put condoms on toys that are only ever used externally, unless someone personally prefers that extra barrier. For internal toys, though, condoms plus proper cleaning gives you a double layer of protection. The condom takes the first hit, and washing and toy cleaner then deal with any remaining residue when the condom comes off.

If you find yourself in a situation where there are internal toys being shared but no condoms available, the safest choice is to treat the toy as belonging to one person for that session, rather than passing it around. It is not as exciting as improvising, but your future self, sitting in a clinic waiting room, will probably be grateful.

 

Choosing body safe, share friendly toys

There is a practical reason so many sex educators and reviewers go on about “body safe” materials. When toys are shared, the quality of what they are made from becomes even more important.

You do not need to memorise a science textbook, but a few basic principles help a lot.

Best materials for shared toys

If you are thinking, “Which toys in my collection are realistic to share?”, start by looking at material first. Generally, the most share friendly options are:

• High quality silicone
  Smooth, non porous, often used for both internal and clitoral toys. Pleasant on the skin and fairly easy to clean
• Stainless steel
  Completely non porous and extremely durable. Can be cooled or warmed if that is your thing. Very simple to wash and sanitise
• Glass
  Specifically, body safe, tempered or borosilicate glass. Again non porous, smooth and straightforward to clean thoroughly
• Hard ABS plastic
  Common in bullets and some wands. Non porous and simple to wipe down, wash and treat with toy cleaner

These materials do not absorb fluids into their structure, which means that your cleaning, if done properly, really does remove what was there before. They also tend to react better with the toy cleaners on the market.

Toys that are better kept personal

Some toys are best seen as “for one person only”, even if you are otherwise comfortable with sharing. You might decide not to share toys that are:

• Made from soft, squishy, rubbery materials that feel slightly tacky or have a strong smell
• Poorly labelled or of uncertain origin, where you cannot be sure about what is in the mix
• Very old, with small cracks, scratches or peeling areas, where bacteria can hide
• Complicated in shape, with deep grooves or places you cannot realistically clean well every time

You might still use toy cleaner, soap and water on these, and that is definitely worth doing for your own health. But you do not necessarily want to pass them around, because you cannot guarantee a thorough clean right into every microscopic corner.

If your collection is a mixture of older and newer toys, you could almost make two piles in your head.

• “These are newer, non porous, easier to clean, and could be our shared toys.”
• "These are my personal favourites, no sharing.”

You do not need to announce that in a grand ceremony. A simple chat with a partner about which toys you are happy to share is normally enough. It is better for everyone to have that clarity than for someone to quietly worry, “Has this been used on someone else?” while trying to enjoy themselves.