How to Talk to a Partner About STI Testing (With Real Examples)

Bringing up STI testing with a partner can feel uncomfortable, especially early in a relationship. But avoiding the subject doesn’t make the risks go away. And in most cases, your partner will appreciate the honesty. Whether you're newly dating, in a casual setup, or in a long-term relationship, knowing how to talk about STI testing is essential. It's not just about protecting your sexual health against STIs but also about building trust, setting boundaries, and having clearer communication.

This guide will walk you through when to bring it up, how to frame the conversation without it sounding confrontational, and what to say. You’ll also get real-life scripts, suggestions for how to reassure a partner, and advice on how to deal with hesitation or bad reactions. It’s all about making the conversation feel less intimidating and more like a normal part of intimacy.

 

Why Talking About STI Testing Is Essential in Every Relationship

Despite all the health campaigns, education, and general awareness, talking about STIs still carries some awkwardness. There's a lingering stigma that makes people hesitate, even when they know it's the right thing to do. But here’s the reality: STIs are extremely common, often symptomless, and testing is the only way to know for sure what’s going on.

Read more: How Often Should I Be Tested for an STI?

This conversation matters no matter how serious or casual your relationship is. STIs can affect anyone, and many are passed unknowingly between people who feel totally healthy. Chlamydia, for example, can cause long-term reproductive issues if untreated, yet many people never feel symptoms.

Testing shows responsibility. It’s not about blame, nor is it about doubting someone’s honesty. It shows that you're being proactive, and that you're invested in looking after both your health and your partner’s. That’s important whether you’ve just started seeing someone or have been together for years.

The benefits of normalising this conversation include:

• Catching infections early, when they are easiest to treat
• Showing mutual respect and concern for each other's wellbeing
• Reducing future anxiety or doubts around sexual health
• Building emotional trust through open, adult dialogue

Even in monogamous relationships, regular testing can be a sensible step. Sometimes people carry infections for years without knowing. And if one person had an infection before the relationship began, both might be unaware.

It’s not always easy to start the conversation, but leaving it unsaid can lead to assumptions. One person might believe they’re exclusive, or that condoms will always be used, or that testing is happening in the background. The only way to be sure is to talk.

STIs aren’t a reflection of someone’s character. They’re just a health issue, and one that’s entirely manageable with honest discussion and good information. By raising the subject early, you show maturity, confidence, and a willingness to look after your future together. That’s something to be proud of, not nervous about.

 

When Is the Right Time to Talk About STI Testing?

Knowing when to bring up STI testing can feel tricky. Too early, and you might worry about seeming overly cautious. Too late, and you may find yourself navigating risk that could have been avoided. There’s no single perfect moment that works for everyone, but some situations make the timing more natural.

Here are key times when it makes sense to raise the topic:

• Before having sex with someone new
• When deciding to stop using condoms or other barrier methods (this doesn't prevent the risk of becoming pregnant)
• After one of you has had a recent partner
• When the relationship becomes exclusive or more serious
• After getting tested yourself and receiving results

One helpful mindset shift is to see this conversation as routine. It doesn’t have to be dramatic or heavy. Just as you’d talk about contraception or what you’re comfortable with, STI testing is part of a wider discussion about sexual wellbeing.

If you’ve just started seeing someone and things are moving toward sex, that’s often the ideal time to mention it. You might say something like, “Before we sleep together, I’d feel better if we were both tested. I can do it with you or show you my results if I’ve been recently.” Saying it casually, and with warmth, often sets the tone well.

It’s also easier to talk about testing once you’ve done it yourself. If you’ve been tested recently, you can use that to start the conversation. For instance, “I just had a routine test last month. I do it every now and then, just to stay safe. Have you done one recently too?”

People sometimes assume they’ll just "know" if their partner has an sexually transmitted infection. But most infections don’t cause visible symptoms, so this approach isn’t reliable. Testing is the only way to be sure, and framing it as a shared decision makes the conversation feel less like a confrontation and more like a partnership.

If the timing feels a little awkward, it’s worth remembering that being proactive is better than being reactive. You’ll avoid confusion, assumptions, and the awkwardness that can arise later when one person brings it up after sex has already happened.

In short, if you’re wondering when to bring it up, that’s probably a sign it’s already time.

 

How to Ask a Partner to Get Tested Without It Feeling Awkward

Asking someone to get tested can feel personal, even if your intentions are purely practical. But it doesn’t have to come across as confrontational or suspicious. How you phrase things makes all the difference.

A helpful strategy is to position testing as something you do for yourself, rather than something you're demanding from them. That shifts the tone from blame to mutual care.

Here are some ways to start the conversation:

“I’ve got into the habit of getting tested between partners. Just feels responsible. Have you been tested recently?”

“Before we stop using condoms, I’d feel more comfortable if we both got tested. I’m happy to do mine again too.”

“I just had my usual check-up and all was clear. I think it’s smart to both be sure before we go further.”

“Would you be open to us getting tested together? I think it could be a good step for both of us.”

It helps to keep your tone relaxed and non-judgemental. Even if you’re nervous, try not to over-apologise. You’re not doing anything wrong by bringing it up. Quite the opposite. You’re protecting both of you and showing emotional intelligence.

If your partner seems surprised or unsure, you can say:

“I know it’s not always something people talk about, but I think it should be more normal. It’s really just a part of taking care of each other.”

Keep in mind that how you deliver your message matters as much as the words themselves. If your tone is open, collaborative, and kind, most people will respond positively. They might even feel relieved that you brought it up first.

And if they do resist or brush it off, that gives you useful information. A partner who refuses to talk about sexual health may not be ready for the kind of honesty or responsibility you’re looking for.

This isn’t about issuing ultimatums. It’s about setting your own standards and being clear about what you need to feel safe and respected. That’s a good foundation for any sexual connection.

 

What to Do If a Partner Reacts Negatively or Hesitates

Not everyone reacts positively the first time this subject comes up. Some people get defensive. Others may feel accused or embarrassed. And in a few cases, someone might flat-out refuse to engage with the conversation at all.

It’s important not to panic or take the first reaction as final. Many people simply haven’t had this conversation before. They might feel caught off guard or unsure how to respond. A bit of discomfort isn’t necessarily a bad sign. What matters is how they follow up after they’ve had time to think.

If you get a defensive reaction, try one of the following responses:

“I’m not saying you’ve done anything wrong. I just want to make sure we’re both being safe.”

“This isn’t about judging your past. It’s just about where we’re at now.”

“I know it’s a bit awkward, but it’s really important to me. I’m happy to explain why if that helps.”

You might also offer to test together, or to help them find a clinic or at-home kit. Sometimes, hesitation comes from anxiety about the process itself, not the idea of testing.

That said, if someone responds with anger, mocking, or makes you feel ashamed for asking, that’s not okay. This is a normal and healthy thing to discuss, and you should never be made to feel wrong for bringing it up.

Watch out for red flags like:

• Dismissing your concerns
• Suggesting only "promiscuous" people get tested
• Refusing to share their own status while expecting you to

In these situations, it’s worth pausing and asking yourself whether this is someone you can communicate with honestly. You don’t need someone who’s perfect, but you do need someone who respects your boundaries and listens when something matters to you.

Testing is not a judgment of anyone’s worth. It’s just a step that responsible people take to protect themselves and each other. If someone can't see that, or refuses to acknowledge your request, you are within your rights to reconsider the relationship or delay any physical intimacy.

 

How to Reassure a Partner About STI Testing

Even if someone agrees to get tested, they may still feel anxious. It’s not always about reluctance, it could just be uncertainty. If this is their first time, or if they had a bad experience before, a bit of reassurance can make a big difference.

Here’s what you can tell them:

• It's quick. Most appointments take less than 30 minutes
• It's usually free in the UK. NHS sexual health clinics offer confidential testing without cost. There are alternative paid options online
  
• It's private. Results are sent discreetly, often by text or secure email
• Most STIs are treatable. A positive result doesn't mean anything shameful, it means you're dealing with something responsibly
• There are at-home test kits available. These can be delivered discreetly and sent back by post

You could also share your own experience. For example:

“I was nervous the first time I went too, but the clinic was friendly and professional. It ended up being no big deal.”

“I used an at-home kit last time. It came in the post, totally discreet, and I had my results in three days.”

You might offer to help them find a clinic or to go with them, if that feels right. Sometimes, the fear is about logistics, not the test itself. Breaking it down into simple steps can remove the mystery and reduce anxiety.

And if they need time, that’s okay too. Just make sure the conversation stays open. They might not act immediately, but planting the seed is often what leads to change later.

Find an STI testing clinic near you today.

 

Making STI Testing Part of Normal Relationship Talk

At the end of the day, conversations about STI testing shouldn’t feel like a test of trust, or a suggestion that someone has done something wrong. They’re simply part of what it means to care for your own body and be respectful of your partner’s health. Whether you’re just getting to know someone or you’ve been together for years, knowing how to talk about it openly is a sign of emotional maturity, not suspicion.

And while many sexually transmitted infections are treatable, or at least manageable, that doesn’t mean they should be ignored. Chlamydia and gonorrhoea, for example, are both extremely common and often show no symptoms at all. If left untreated, they can cause long-term complications, particularly around fertility. Genital herpes can be managed with antiviral medication, but it’s important to know your status so you can reduce the risk of passing it on.

Then there are infections like HIV, which carry more weight for many people. But the truth is, with today’s treatment options and early detection, HIV is no longer the terrifying diagnosis it once was. People with HIV who are on treatment and have an undetectable viral load cannot pass the virus on to others, a fact more people should know. HPV, too, is incredibly widespread, and while many strains clear on their own, some can lead to health problems down the line. Regular check-ups and open conversations are the only way to stay on top of this.

When you ask someone to get tested, you’re not suggesting they’re dirty or untrustworthy. You’re simply being realistic about how common these infections are and how easy it is to catch something without knowing. Sex comes with risk, and testing is how we manage that risk responsibly, not perfectly, but with intention.

More importantly, these conversations aren’t just about disease prevention. They’re about trust-building. They show that you can navigate slightly uncomfortable topics without falling into defensiveness or shame. That’s the kind of communication that makes relationships stronger, whether they last a weekend or a lifetime.

In a world where so many people still avoid talking about sexual health, being the one to start the conversation takes courage. But it also sets a tone. One that says, “I respect myself, and I respect you.” And that is something any good partner should be able to meet you in.

So no, talking about STI testing isn’t always easy. But it’s always worth it.

And the more normal we make it, the less awkward it becomes.