Pregnancy Sex Tips
Pregnancy changes how we think about sex. For some, it’s physical discomfort. For others, it’s an emotional shift. And for many, it’s confusion, because people don’t talk about it in real terms. There’s a lot of vague reassurance, “it’s safe,” “just listen to your body” but not enough about how it actually feels or what might come up in real life.
Let’s keep it simple: yes, sex is usually safe in pregnancy. But that doesn’t make it automatically comfortable, easy, or desirable. The body shifts hormonally and physically in unpredictable ways. What felt good a month ago might suddenly feel irritating. Libido can spike or vanish. Emotionally, some people feel incredibly close to their partners, while others feel distant or just need space.
The best thing you can do is get comfortable with not having a script. Your sex life doesn’t need to be perfect or even frequent, it just needs to be honest. Talk about what’s working and what’s not. Laugh when it’s awkward. Be gentle with each other. That’s where real intimacy survives, and sometimes, deepens.
Finding What Feels Right: Positions That Make Sense (and Ones That Don’t)
As pregnancy progresses, comfort becomes non-negotiable. Certain positions like missionary can become impractical or even mildly risky once the belly grows and the uterus becomes heavier. So it’s not about creativity for creativity’s sake. It’s about function, comfort, and a little bit of trial and error.
A few positions are known to work well in different trimesters:
- Spooning (side-lying): Gentle, close, and great for when you feel like slowing things down. There’s no pressure on the bump, and it allows for easy movement or pause. Read more about the spooning sex position here
- Cowgirl: Being in control of pace and depth can be really helpful when sensitivity is heightened. Some people feel more empowered in this position, too. Check out our guide to the cowgirl position here
- Reverse cowgirl: Offers a fresh angle that avoids abdominal pressure while still maintaining connection. Learn more about the reverse cowgirl here
- Edge-of-bed or standing: These can work particularly well late in pregnancy when lying down becomes awkward or when fatigue makes long sessions uncomfortable
That said, comfort isn’t just about angles. Pillows help. A lot. A wedge under your hips, extra support behind your back, or simply something soft under your knees can completely change the experience. Even a small change in elevation can relieve pressure and improve alignment.
And then there’s pace. Slower is often better, not because the desire isn’t there, but because stimulation might feel more intense, even overwhelming. Some people describe a sense of “fullness” that comes earlier, or a new kind of pressure in the pelvic area that’s both unfamiliar and hard to describe. That’s okay. These new sensations don’t mean anything is wrong, they’re just part of the shifting terrain.
If a position doesn’t feel right, don’t force it. There’s no prize for grinning and bearing it. Change things up, talk mid-way, pause. What’s “sexy” often becomes less about technique and more about how tuned in you are to each other’s comfort.
Read more: Sex in Pregnancy
When Desire Doesn’t Match (or Goes Missing Completely)
Possibly the most confusing thing about sex in pregnancy is how wildly libido can change. One day you might feel tender, even aroused. Another, you just want space, quiet, and no physical contact. And for some people, that low-libido state sticks around for weeks. Maybe months.
This is one of the areas where miscommunication can creep in quickly. If one partner feels ignored, or the other feels guilty, resentment can quietly build. The solution isn’t necessarily to “fix” the sex life, it’s to understand what’s actually happening beneath it.
- For the pregnant partner, there could be a mix of fatigue, physical discomfort, emotional vulnerability, or body image concerns. It’s not always easy to verbalise, and sometimes it just feels easier to withdraw
- For the non-pregnant partner, it might feel like rejection or like a loss of closeness. They might hesitate to initiate anything out of fear of causing discomfort or overstepping
So talk, even if it’s messy. Even if you don’t have neat answers. You can say, “I don’t know what I want, but I still want to feel close.” That’s honest, and it gives your partner something real to work with.
And if desire is completely gone? That’s okay too. You’re allowed to take breaks from sex. Sometimes, what people need most is non-sexual intimacy: cuddling, holding hands, taking naps together. When pressure lifts, closeness often comes back naturally, on its own timeline.
One thing that helps many couples is creating a buffer zone, spaces where intimacy is shared without expectation. A back rub that doesn’t turn into anything more. A slow dance in the kitchen. Eye contact. These things matter. Often, they matter more than sex itself.
What You Should Know About Safety (and What You Can Let Go Of)
The good news is that for most people, sex during pregnancy is not medically dangerous. But there are exceptions, and it’s worth knowing what they are, not to scare you, but to give you confidence in knowing what’s normal and what’s not.
Here’s when to be cautious or speak with a doctor or midwife:
- Any history of early labour or miscarriage
- Low-lying placenta (placenta previa)
- Unexplained vaginal bleeding or pain
- Cervical insufficiency or stitches
- Leaking amniotic fluid or waters having broken
These aren’t everyday concerns, but they do exist. If your healthcare provider gives the green light, and you’re both comfortable, then go ahead. There’s no need for guilt or hesitation.
A few practical tips make a difference:
- Use protection if there’s any STI risk involved, even during pregnancy. The immune system behaves slightly differently when pregnant, and infections can have more serious implications so condoms are a must in this scenario. Check out our Condom Guide for more details
- Keep things clean, a quick rinse, no harsh soaps. Vaginal pH balance becomes more delicate during pregnancy, and irritation can occur easily
- Watch for discomfort after sex. Mild cramping or a firm belly post-orgasm is common and usually not harmful. But if there’s pain, ongoing contractions, or bleeding, get checked out
- Lubrication is your friend. Hormones can either increase or decrease natural lubrication. Don’t hesitate to use a lube to avoid irritation. Need to know more about sex lubricants? Discover our Guide to Lube for further information
It’s also worth being mindful of how you end the experience. Pregnancy can make people more sensitive not just physically, but emotionally. So leave room for aftercare. A hug, a few quiet moments, checking in with each other. Especially if something felt awkward or didn’t go to plan.
Sex during pregnancy isn’t just about not doing harm. It’s about making space for what feels safe, not just what’s technically safe.
A Different Kind of Togetherness
You might not always get it right. One of you might be ready when the other’s not. You might try something new and immediately wish you hadn’t. Sometimes it’s weird, or clumsy, or just not worth finishing. Other times, it surprises you, how tender it is, how funny, how real.
If pregnancy teaches anything, it’s that your relationship can flex. Your body flexes. Your needs do too. And intimacy? It has room to stretch in all directions. You don’t need to nail this perfectly. You just need to keep showing up, even if that means less touching, more talking, or redefining closeness altogether.
Because what actually lasts isn’t the frequency or the technique. It’s the way you respond to each other in the middle of change. That’s where the real closeness begins.
