How to Make Sex Romantic
Sex doesn’t always need to be wild or intense to be satisfying. In fact, sometimes, what we crave most is something softer. Something slower. Something that draws us closer emotionally, not just physically. And yet, in a world where sexual content is often portrayed with a certain level of urgency or even aggression, it’s easy to forget that intimacy can also be delicate.
Romantic sex doesn’t mean boring. Nor does it mean scripted or overly dramatic. It just means sex with presence, with warmth, with intention.
Let’s talk about how to create that space.
The Case for Slowing Down
There’s something oddly powerful about choosing not to rush. Slower, more thoughtful sex can feel… well, more human. More connected and for many people, it opens up a completely different kind of pleasure, one rooted in emotional intimacy rather than performance.
When we slow things down, we give ourselves a chance to actually feel. To notice the details: the sound of your partner’s breath changing, the way their skin responds to touch, even the little looks exchanged in quiet moments. These are the things that often get lost when things turn hurried or rough.
Of course, rough sex has its place, some people love it, and that’s perfectly fine. But it shouldn't become the default just because it’s what’s most visible in the media. The truth is, many people feel closer, more valued, and more secure during sex that’s softer. The kind that involves eye contact, gentle touches, unspoken understanding.
There’s a kind of bravery in being tender. It’s vulnerable, it requires mutual trust but when that trust is there it can be incredibly powerful.
To slow things down intentionally:
- Start with extended foreplay. Kiss slowly, touch thoughtfully.
- Focus on just one part of the body at a time, instead of racing to the finish.
- Ask each other what feels good, in that moment, not just in general.
And remember, the goal isn’t to drag things out artificially. It’s to be present. To move with care, not haste.
Setting the Mood
There’s no denying it, the setting matters. What surrounds you can either enhance the intimacy or distract from it completely.
Romantic sex often starts before either of you even touch each other. It begins in the way the room feels. Is it quiet? Dimly lit? Does it smell nice? These little sensory cues do more than we think, they send subtle messages to the brain: relax, you’re safe here.
Lighting plays a huge role. And this is where candles come in.
Candles cast soft, warm light that flatters the skin and creates a calming environment. It’s nothing like the harsh overhead lighting we often live under, and perhaps that’s why it feels so inviting. The flickering glow seems to slow everything down without trying.
Music can be equally powerful. The right playlist sets the tone emotionally and physically. It’s not about playing love songs just for the sake of it. It’s about finding music that helps you both feel immersed.
Something ambient, mellow, maybe even instrumental, music without lyrics can be especially useful when you want to stay focused on each other, not on the story in the song. But songs like The Weeknd - Earned It, Roy Woods - Get You Good and ZAYN ft. Kehlani - wRoNg can certainly help set the mood.
When setting the mood:
- Use soft sheets & clean bedding. Comfort plays into sensuality
- Choose scents that are subtle and natural. Think sandalwood, vanilla, or lavender
- Keep distractions away: silence your phone, close the laptop, dim the lights
These aren’t just “romantic clichés.” They’re simple signals. They tell both you and your partner: this moment is important.
Romantic Sex Positions to Build Intimacy and Connection
When we think about sex positions, we often default to whatever feels most physically pleasurable or… let’s be honest, convenient. But if the goal is to feel closer, not just skin-on-skin, but emotionally, then some positions lend themselves more naturally to that sense of intimacy.
This isn’t about what’s “best” or “most exciting.” It’s about positions that allow for things like eye contact, full-body touch, quiet conversation. The kind of sex where being wrapped up in each other feels like the point, not just the bonus.
Face-to-Face: Missionary, but Slower
Yes, missionary gets a bad rap for being basic but when you slow it down, it’s anything but. This position lets you stay close, make eye contact, and hold each other. You can kiss, stroke each other's faces, whisper things that wouldn't quite land the same from across the room.
Try adjusting the pace. Don’t thrust quickly. Move slowly and intentionally. Hold eye contact for just a second longer than usual. That pause can be surprisingly powerful.
And if one of you hooks a leg around the other’s waist, or you support yourselves with elbows rather than hands, you stay even closer. There’s something deeply calming about being that connected, chest-to-chest, with nowhere else to be.
Side-by-Side: The Quiet Closeness
Side-lying positions like spooning sex don’t get talked about enough, but they’re ideal for slow, romantic sex. Lying on your sides facing each other lets you tangle your limbs, kiss lazily, and just move together in rhythm. It’s less acrobatic, more sensual.
There's also a practical bonus: because it’s less physically demanding, you can stay in that moment longer. You can take breaks to talk or smile at each other without breaking the flow completely.
If you lie front-to-back in a spooning position, it becomes a softer variation of deeper penetration. This one often feels more secure, more wrapped-up-in-each-other. It can be particularly lovely first thing in the morning, or at night when the day is winding down.
Seated Intimacy: Lap Positions
There’s something uniquely intimate about straddling your partner while they’re seate on the bed, a sturdy chair, or even the floor against a wall. It’s a face-to-face position that naturally slows things down.
Why? Because it’s not easy to move fast in this position. You end up syncing your breathing, matching each other's rhythm. You’re close enough to see every little reaction. Every tiny smile or flicker of emotion.
It’s also perfect for kissing, or even just resting foreheads together. And sometimes that’s what makes the moment feel so connected, it doesn’t feel like something to “get through,” it feels like something to be in.
On Top but Still Tender
Being on top doesn’t have to mean “taking control” in an assertive way. It can also be a chance to move at your own pace, and to create eye contact in a way that some other positions don’t allow.
Whether you're sitting upright or lying chest-to-chest, this position lets the person on top guide the depth and rhythm of the movement, which can lead to more mindful sensations. Plus, with hands free, there’s room for lots of touch, stroking faces, hair, shoulders.
Let it be slow. Let it be a little uncoordinated. The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is presence.
The Practical Side: Condoms, Lube, and Why Prep Matters
Romance doesn’t mean skipping over the practical stuff. In fact, taking care of the details can be part of what makes the experience feel safe and respected.
Let’s talk about condoms. Not the most obviously romantic topic, perhaps but hear me out.
Being prepared with condoms (and not fumbling around last-minute) can actually keep the moment feeling smooth. There’s something quietly reassuring about knowing your partner cares enough to be responsible. It communicates: I’m thinking about us, not just about sex.
Plus, these days, there are plenty of options designed with pleasure in mind, ultra-thin, textured, flavoured, even ones with warming or tingling effects. It doesn’t need to be a mood-killer.
Check out our Guide to Condoms to learn more.
Speaking of which, let’s not forget lube.
Lube often gets dismissed as something you only need if there’s a problem with natural lubrication but that’s not true. It enhances comfort and reduces friction, which is important even during gentler, slower sex. And, honestly, it can make everything feel better.
Water based lubes are a good all-rounder and are compatible with all sex toys if you are introducing these into your romantic sex sessions, but there are silicone based options too (they last longer), and some infused with light scents or warming sensations.
Head on over to our Lube Guide to discover more.
Here’s the thing: making sex romantic isn’t just about candles and music. It’s also about how you treat your partner’s body. Being prepared shows care. It shows thoughtfulness. And in its own quiet way, that’s deeply romantic.
If you want to make the experience feel truly seamless:
- Keep condoms and lube nearby, ideally within arm’s reach
- Choose products you’ve both agreed on beforehand to avoid interruptions
- Apply lube before things get uncomfortable, not after. Preventative comfort is underrated
Romantic Sex is About Connection, Not Perfection
Ultimately, making sex romantic isn’t about ticking boxes or recreating a film scene. It’s about tuning into each other. Paying attention. Letting the moment unfold naturally.
Sometimes it’ll be clumsy. Sometimes you’ll laugh mid-kiss or fumble a candle. That’s okay. Real intimacy is rarely perfect. In fact, it’s those imperfections that make it memorable.
So light the candles if you want. Play your favourite slow songs. Whisper something sexy. Or just hold each other in silence before you start. The point isn’t to choreograph every step, it’s to create space where you can both be fully yourselves.
And yes, sometimes that means gentle, slow, deeply affectionate sex. The kind where everything feels intentional, from the first glance to the final touch.
Because at the end of the day, romantic sex isn’t about how it looks. It’s about how it feels.
