How to Masturbate for Women
Masturbation is one of those topics that can feel weirdly complicated even though, honestly, it's one of the most natural things in the world. Everyone experiences it differently. Some people explore themselves early on without a second thought; others might take years to even feel comfortable touching themselves. And that's completely fine, there’s no one “normal” when it comes to this.
Whether you’re brand new to it or just looking to feel more connected with your body, this guide is here to walk you through the how, the why, and the “ohhh, that's how!” of female masturbation.
Let’s dig in, casually.
Why Masturbation Matters for Women
Masturbation isn't just about orgasms, although, to be fair, those are pretty great. It's about learning your body, finding out what feels good, and giving yourself a chance to experience pleasure without any pressure.
Oddly enough, a lot of us grow up with this vague sense that female pleasure is, well, somehow complicated. That it’s secondary to someone else’s experience. But masturbation turns all that upside down: it's your body, your time, your rules.
Some reasons why masturbation can be genuinely life-enhancing:
- Self-knowledge: When you know what you like, it's easier to communicate that with a partner - if you want to.
- Stress relief: Orgasms can release feel-good hormones like dopamine and oxytocin. That lingering tension from a bad meeting or family drama? Sometimes a bit of self-love melts it away.
- Better sleep: It’s not a myth. Post-orgasm drowsiness is real.
- Physical health: Regular sexual activity, solo or partnered, may improve pelvic floor strength and circulation.
- Emotional well-being: Feeling comfortable in your own skin builds confidence. Honestly, sometimes even just deciding “I deserve to feel good” is a small but powerful act.
That said, not everyone feels instantly relaxed or ready about it. Some people carry old guilt, shame, or just awkwardness. And that’s okay too. If you feel hesitant, it doesn’t mean you’re “broken” or weird. It might just mean you need more time, or a different approach.
Personally, I used to think I needed to “wait” for the right mood to strike. But sometimes, the mood doesn’t just fall into your lap, you create it. Like lighting a candle, putting on music, or simply deciding, “I’m going to enjoy myself now.”
Read more: How to Have Multiple Orgams
Getting Comfortable: Setting the Scene for Self-Love
It might sound silly at first, but setting the scene can make a big difference. Think about it: if you’re distracted, stressed, or feeling rushed, it’s going to be a lot harder to relax into pleasure.
You don't have to turn your bedroom into a spa (unless you want to, of course). Sometimes it's just about creating a moment where your brain can unclench a little bit.
Some ideas:
- Privacy: Obvious, maybe, but feeling like someone could walk in at any moment is a real buzzkill.
- Mood setting: Soft lighting, a comfy bed or couch, music, a scented candle. Tiny tweaks can flip your brain from “to-do list mode” to “me-time mode.”
- No distractions: Phone on silent. Laptop closed. Door locked (if needed).
- Comfortable temperature: If you’re cold and shivering, that’s not exactly sexy.
What about porn or erotica? Totally optional. Some people love it; others find it distracting. Maybe you enjoy reading a sexy story instead of watching something. Maybe you fantasise. Maybe you just focus on the sensations in your own body. There’s no wrong answer.
The first few times might feel… a little weird. Like you’re trying to manufacture a feeling. And honestly, that's really common. It’s a bit like learning to meditate, at first, you’re very aware of yourself. With time, it starts to feel natural.
One thing I realised after a while is that there’s no deadline. Some sessions are quick and electric. Others are slow and dreamy. Occasionally, nothing much happens and you end up just taking a nap. All of it counts.
Techniques to Try: How Women Masturbate
There’s no one magic button (well, aside from the clitoris - but even that’s more complex than just “press here!”). Different strokes (pun slightly intended) work for different folks.
Here are some tried-and-true techniques to explore:
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External stimulation: Most women find clitoral stimulation key. You might:
- Rub gently in circles.
- Tap lightly.
- Use different pressures - sometimes firmer, sometimes featherlight.
- Try indirect touches around the clitoris before direct ones.
- Exploring what a clitoral vibrator can do for you.
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Internal stimulation: Some like to explore vaginal penetration to stimulate the G-spot with fingers and/or sex toys. You can:
- Insert a finger (or two) slowly and explore.
- Curl fingers slightly in a come hither motion to target the G-spot (if that feels good - it doesn't for everyone).
- Utilise a G-spot vibrator to hit that sweet spot.
- Combo play: Many women find combining clitoral and internal stimulation together more satisfying. A rabbit vibrator for instance is your best friend for this.
- Using lube: This is a game changer. Water based lube is a great all-purpose choice (especially if using a silicone toy), but silicone based lubes last longer if you’re planning on a more leisurely session. Either way, it reduces friction and increases pleasure. Learn more about lubes, with our Guide to Lubricants.
- Changing positions: Lying flat, sitting upright, standing in the shower - it all changes how sensations feel. There’s no rule saying you have to stay perfectly still.
One small thing, it’s easy to think you should feel “instant fireworks.” Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. Exploring pleasure isn't always linear. Sometimes you’re just learning how your body responds.
Personally, I didn’t even realise how much I liked lighter touch until I stopped assuming that more pressure = more pleasure. Took a while. Worth it.
Check out our range of masturbation lubes here.
Tools of the Trade: Fingers, Toys, and More
We've already touched briefly on toys but you don't need anything too fancy to enjoy masturbation, but a few extras can open up a whole new world of sensation.
Your hands are always the first and most accessible tool. They're sensitive, responsive, and free! But there’s also nothing wrong with bringing toys into the mix — even beginners can benefit.
Some options:
- Vibrators: Classic for a reason. External vibrators focus on the clit; internal ones like rabbits provide dual stimulation.
- Bullet vibes: Tiny but mighty. Easy to use, discreet, and non-intimidating if you’re new to toys.
- Wands: Larger, more powerful vibrators. Amazing for full-body stimulation too, not just the genitals.
- Dildos: Non-vibrating toys designed for penetration. Great for exploring fullness and internal pleasure.
- Lubricants: Already mentioned, but worth saying again: lube is your friend.
A quick note about cleaning: Always wash toys with warm water and gentle soap (or a sex toy cleaner) after use. It’s boring advice but trust me, your body will thank you later.
I used to feel weird about owning a vibrator, as if it said something about me. Now? It's just a normal part of my drawer. Right next to the moisturiser and socks.
Learning What You Like: Exploring Your Unique Pleasure Map
Every woman’s body reacts differently, sometimes wildly so. What feels electric for one person might be "meh" for another.
A few things to experiment with:
- Touch types: Featherlight strokes, firmer pressure, tapping, circling, squeezing.
- Patterns: Constant stimulation vs. teasing and stopping.
- Temperatures: Warm or cool sensations can totally change the experience.
- Fantasies: Thinking about sexy scenarios while touching yourself can heighten arousal or sometimes it’s distracting. See what suits your mood.
You might also notice that your preferences change depending on the day. Hormonal cycles, stress levels, mood - they all play a role. Some days you might crave slow, almost meditative touches. Other days you just want to get there, fast.
And there’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all.
I remember thinking at first that I needed to "choose" the right technique. Like finding the perfect formula. It took me longer than I'd like to admit to realise it’s not a formula. It’s exploration. Some journeys are scenic routes.
Give Yourself Permission
Learning how to masturbate or learning how to enjoy it more is a deeply personal journey. There’s no checklist to tick off, no finish line to cross. Just your body, your curiosity, and your pleasure.
Some days it’ll be amazing. Other days you’ll wonder what all the fuss is about. Sometimes you’ll laugh halfway through because something awkward happens (elbows slipping, unexpected noises, it’s all part of the charm).
Ultimately, the most important thing is to give yourself permission. Permission to be curious, to feel good, to make mistakes, to change your mind, to not take it all so seriously.
Because pleasure isn’t just something you earn after doing everything else right. It’s something you already deserve.
Just as you are.
Female Masturbation FAQs
Masturbation tends to bring up a lot of “is this normal?” type questions. Quick reassurance: if it feels good, consensual (yes, even with yourself), and isn’t harming anyone, it’s almost certainly normal.
What if I can’t orgasm?
It’s really common not to climax every time or even at all, for a while. Focus on the journey, not just the end goal. Pleasure is still worthwhile, even if it doesn't climax in a technical orgasm.
How often should I masturbate?
As often or as little as you like. There’s no “healthy” number. Some people do it daily, others a few times a month, others not at all. You’re not broken either way.
Is it bad to use toys too much?
Nope. Your body doesn’t get “damaged” by vibrators or toys. If you find yourself needing stronger stimulation over time, it might just mean your body got used to a certain type of sensation. Mixing it up can help, but honestly, if you're enjoying yourself, that’s the main thing.
Is it selfish to prioritise my own pleasure?
Not even a little bit. Self-pleasure is self-care. It doesn't make you selfish. If anything, getting comfortable with your own needs can make you a better partner, friend, and human in general.
